Holding Me Tightly
by periwinkle-eyes
Summary: "What do you think of me for? Aren't I the one to catch you if he won't?" R


**DISCLAIMER: NO,NOT,NEVER MINE T.T**

_Warning: The characters in this one-shot may be different from their usual selves. In other words, OOC everyone!~_

_* Read A/N at the end of the story._

* * *

His feelings for cerulean eyed Tensai has always been those of the one-sided love. Those painful unrequited ones in which you watch the one you love, love someone else or worse, in the arms of another.

In the middle of all of it, you'll watch your friend called "depression" slowly eat you. Or take in the fact that you're a coward who can't confess your love and didn't even had the guts to take him away from the person he was bonded too.

Now, the painful thing for Tezuka was that the very person he was in love to is too blind to see his real feelings for him. And things just got worse when his best friend, the one he is in love to, Fuji Shuusuke started talking to him about his admiration to a certain pompous captain of Hyotei. That's right. Atobe Keigo.

Everytime Fuji talked about it, he can feel his heartbeat slow down by a second. Everytime. Everyday.

"If this continues, I'm gonna die before I even get to graduate." He muttered to himself while sipping a can of soda. He is now seated in a cafe just across the public tennis courts, waiting for Fuji to finish his tennis session with Atobe. You heard right. Fuji is having this weekend-friendly-matches with the pompous peacock.

_'I wonder how long I can take this. I wonder how long I can wait. No, wait. I wonder how long would I have to wait.'_

He sighed for the nth time that day. Turning to look at the window, he can see swaying trees, dancing flowers, running children, talking mothers, teenagers with their racket equipments and –

There it is, Fuji and Atobe coming out from the court. Atobe's arm is rested on Fuji's shoulder, the both of them talking casually. He can definitely feel the love aura surround them. And in that very moment, he knew he has lost. He lost his best friend, his special someone to the bratty captain of Hyotei. He lost Fuji to Atobe.

He chuckled sadly. "Of course I would lost him. Atobe is a confident guy while I'm the coward one."

He desperately tried to stop his tears from falling when he saw Atobe ruffled Fuji's hair. He felt jealousy arise in his system. And of course the pink tints on the younger boy's cheeks didn't escape his eyes. His heart slowly coming to a stop and his eyes clouded with tears. He couldn't help but let one. Just one tear escaped from his strong facade. Just one. And that's it.

Darting his eyes back to the book he has in hand, he wiped his eyes and tried to act like he didn't see anything. Then he heard the little bell on the entrance chimed and he knew that it was Fuji. Those footsteps, even from a million miles away, he can still hear them and let alone, familiarized them. The scent that whiffed through his nose. He recognize them as the perfume Fuji always used after playing a sweaty game of tennis. He knew because this is the scent that greeted him everyday after school. Seeing as their house is in the same direction, he doesn't see anything wrong with walking Fuji home. He knew just because he love Fuji so much.

"Tezuka?" He felt a hand tap him on the shoulder yet he kept his head down to his book because he knew that the moment he lift his face up and Fuji's face greeted him, he would yet again feel those stingy tears. And that's the one thing he doesn't Fuji to see. To see him weak.

He then felt pokes on his nape. His weak spot. Those soft fingers poking his weak spot feels like cloud nine and he tried his best to stop a chuckle coming out then he lift his head up and raised an eyebrow to the Tensai.

"Tezuka!"Fuji half-shouted. "Don't ignore me!"

Tezuka gripped his book tighter as he take in the sight in front of him. Fuji is basically glowing. His eyes filled with happiness. The kind of happiness that not once has Tezuka seen. The happiness he couldn't give. His lips curved up into a genuine smile.

Tezuka propped his elbow up and rested his chin on his open palms and stared at Fuji.

"So, what happen? You seem -" Tezuka stopped for a bit, and lean closer to Fuji who is seating across him. "Happy."

Fuji's cheeks are suddenly painted by a bright pink color. He knew Fuji would said it but he wish he wouldn't.

"I'm going out with Keigo now."

Tezuka acted surprised. He tried so hard so keep his true emotions. He would save it all for later. When he's alone. When all the pent up frustration will be released.

"Really? Congratulations then." He said with a small smile. A forced fake smile adorned his features but the fake congratulations, the fake smile, the fake facade all disappeared and was replaced with a genuine small smile when he saw Fuji beamed up to him, showing his perfect teeth and thanked him.

Of course, after all this time, seeing Fuji happy is just enough.

–

Tezuka was used to walking home alone. Fuji doesn't go home with him anymore, occasionally yes but not everyday. As for today, the pompous brat snatched Fuji in the middle of practice, shouting an excuse he didn't get to hear but he knew was unreasonable.

"That stupid Hyotei captain. Just because he is now going out with Fuji for a few months now, doesn't mean he can pull him out of practice anytime he wants to."

Of course, he was furious, being the captain of the team, he couldn't just let anyone snatched his member in a middle of practice. And it took them quite a long time to calm him down. They had to calm him down. Who wouldn't when he would glare at everyone who came to his view, barked out impossible exercises, and was definitely grumpy throughout the whole practice that afternoon.

Because of the bratty captain from Hyotei, the team suffered his wrath. He knew what he did was unreasonable. He let his temper get to him. Just because he's hurt and jealous of what Atobe had done, he shouldn't have took out his anger on the team. He decided to properly gave them his apologies tomorrow. Plus he's broken heart, he felt like sleeping forever. As in dying.

"Can someone take me now. I'm willing. "

He yawned as he continued to his way home. He passed by an empty park. The park on where he and Fuji would rest for a while after a day of tennis training, just like today except for the fact that today, he is unbelievably alone.

He thought for a while if he wants to stop by or not. In the end he ended up sitting on one of the swing seat. Call him a kid for doing such thing but he couldn't help it. Anyone who might saw him probably will have their jaw down to the ground. Who wouldn't? He is a well-known tennis player slash Captain from the area. Not bragging, but its true. He remembered the times in where Fuji would sit on one of the swing set and Tezuka would slowly pushed him, going faster in every pushed he make.

He sighed. _'I missed Fuji. I really do.'_

Then, his heart beating a lot faster than the normal heartbeats when he felt his swing started moving slowly then a low humming made its way to his ears and now he knew very well who the person is.

"Fuji. You do realize the dire consequences of your lover's action today." He started slowly. Slightly cringing at the word's 'lover'.

"I'm sorry. I should have stop him. I'll take in any kind of punishment you may give tomorrow. I won't complain, I'll run a thousand laps if you ask." Fuji let a sigh escaped from his lips. He might as take a lot of rest for tonight, just to prepare his body for tomorrow's intense activities.

"Well, his action today sure was selfish. He could have thought of the consequences you would be facing." Tezuka said, anger evident in his voice. "He could have thought of you first."

"I'm sorry. I would like to say my apologies to the team together tomorrow. But Tezuka, you're the one who I would like to say sorry to the most." Fuji's sincere voice rang out throughout the empty park.

"Why say sorry?" Tezuka said, raising an eyebrow at Fuji who kept his serious face, partnered with his sincere voice.

"I don't spend time with you anymore. To tell you the truth, the company of your lover and your best friend is very different. There's a big difference between the two. And really, I missed you." Fuji said, more like muttered, especially the last three words.

"I missed you too. So much."

–

Laying in his bed, waiting for sleep to come, Tezuka had a sudden flashback. Back at the time when Fuji and Atobe still were at the stage of near-confessing.

_After a day of near to death tennis practice, Fuji and Tezuka decided to stop at the park on their way home. The same park where they would spend a few good minutes just for a bit leisure time. _

_Fuji leaned back on the tree trunk and closed his eyes. Tezuka stared at the view before him. At the moment, the deserted park was illuminated by the beautiful colors of the sunset. He was spacing off when a voice from his company startled him. _

"_Tezuka, how will I know if Atobe loves me? Not assuming or something, but he's been giving off the vibes of love." Fuji said, still leaning on the tree trunk, looking ahead, a smile adorned his face._

_If ever Fuji would look at Tezuka's way, he would be surprise at the look of extreme hurt in Tezuka's eyes. Tezuka didn't dare hide it, after all Fuji has his eyes away from him._

"_Simple." The moment the word came out of Tezuka's mouth, Fuji opened his eyes, and turned his gaze unto him with an anticipating look. "Just jump off the cliff."_

_The anticipating looks disappeared and is replaced with a emotionless one. "Are you crazy, Tezuka? Maybe the training today burned some of your brain cells?"_

"_I'm not kidding." Tezuka said with a matter of fact tone. _

_Fuji sighed. "Okay, let's say, I really did jumped off the cliff. So what's gonna happen next? Do I need to put an end to my life to know?"_

"_Yes, just look down on Atobe from where ever you are up there, if he's crying, he must have love you." Tezuka said with a smile unnoticeable smile. He doesn't really tease Fuji, but even if he would, he enjoys every moment of it._

"_Forget it Tezuka." Fuji said, sighing and leaning back into the tree trunk. _

"_Jump off and if he love you, he'll catch you."_

_Fuji's eyes snapped open at those words and he turned to look at Tezuka who kept his always serious face._

"_Tezuka, what if he won't catch me?" Muttering those words, Fuji kept his gaze intact to Tezuka's face who just happen to stare back at him with a small smile._

"_You're making simple things complicated, you know. And about that 'he won't catch me' thing. Don't worry. What do you think of me for? Aren't I the one to catch you if he won't?"_

_And when the Fuji flashed a very genuine smile, he knows that he had gained another 1% of Fuji's trust. _

"_You better Tezuka. You promised."_

–

A year has passed, then another, then another until they all have graduated from High School and is now experiencing University.

After High School, Tezuka lost contact with Fuji. No more after school tennis matches, no more park leisure time and no more bonding time.

For Fuji, its only the case of missing your best friend who has been there for you since your first year in Junior High School. But for Tezuka, its the case of missing plus the pain of not being able to talk to Fuji, not able to check up on him, and not being able to see him. The Tensau has taunted him in his dreams. Every single memories would flood his mind during classes which made him miss the younger boy more and of course, love him more.

He did saw them. _Them_. Fuji with Atobe on a cafe near his university. All the pent up jealousy suddenly disappeared when he saw Fuji smile and laugh.

_'He seemed happy. No, he is happy. It's okay. It's okay even if it hurts.' _

For Tezuka, Fuji being happy also resulted to a happy him. So even if hurts, like he feel like dying, it's okay cause Fuji is happy. And a happy Fuji is enough to keep him alive.

–

Lounging in his room after a hard and suffocating homework, is a bored looking Tezuka, flipping channels in the television. He's not the type to lounge, but after that work their professor gave them, he deserve at least a small amount of rest. He continued to click on the next button.

"The heir to the great Atobe-" Hearing the word Atobe made Tezuka pressed the previous button on his remote. Checking up on his best friend boyfriend is a good way to go.

"- Corporation, Atobe Keigo is finally getting married." Tezuka's eyes widened, his fist clenching tight in the thought of Fuji marrying the pompous former captain.

_'Getting married? Are they going this far already?'_

"To none other than the only daughter of the Yamamoto Group!" The news reporter continued, showing his happiness through his wide smile.

Without hesitation, he pressed the off button and threw the remote aside. He hurriedly grab his jacket and ran out of the house like a madman with only one thought in mind. To get to Fuji as soon as possible.

–

Arriving at a twenty-floor condominium slash hotel, Tezuka entered the elevator and pushed the seventeen button. He tapped his foot, constantly looking at the blinking red numbers to see if he have arrive or anywhere near the seventeenth floor.

"Why does he have to be on the seventeenth floor? He could have a room on the first floor for all I care!" He muttered.

A loud ring perked in his ears, waiting for the elevator door to open, he ran at full speed, to the room embedded to with the numbers 1711.

He stopped in front of the door, recollecting his breaths. He tried his luck and knocked. No one responded. After a few knocks and some name-shouting, Tezuka groaned in frustrations. He knew Fuji is in there. Fuji loved the room. The room is his very own comfort zone. After all, Atobe bought it for him when his parents and sister decided to go back to Chiba.

Not wanting Fuji to be all along in Tokyo, his parents decided to sell the house and gave Fuji enough money to buy an apartment. Of course, Atobe insisted that he brought Fuji his very own apartment or in this case, condominium room. And since then, Fuji has loved the room.

Tezuka remembered Fuji telling him his room password and should come and keep him company sometimes but never got the chance to because of his piling university work. Tezuka spent a few minutes ransacking his brains for the said password and mentally smiled when he finally remembered it.

Entering the password, he slowly opened the door and peeked inside. The room is dark, with only the light from the moon. He stumbled into the living room, hands feeling the room for the switch. Finally finding, he turned the lights on and inspected the no-human-in-sight living room. He must salute Atobe for the comfort he has given Fuji. The room has Fuji could possibly need. And he's still in the living room, mind you.

Searching the room, he found a slightly opened room. Taking in quiet steps, he peeked in. The room's light is switched on and he is pretty sure Fuji's there.

"Fuji?" Calling out, he stepped inside the room. Standing there for a few minutes, the bathroom door clicked open and emerged a newly showered Fuji drying his hair.

Fuji's eyes widened, joy visible hinting in those cerulean orbs. But as Tezuka stared harder, he can also see pain and hurt in there. He knew because he once had those eyes. Those painful and sad looking eyes. And the puffy, barely visible eyes kinda gave it away.

"Tezuka! What are you doing here?" Fuji asked, bouncing to Tezuka with a smile plastered to his face. It seems so genuine, that Tezuka is having a hard time recognizing if its fake or true.

"I came to check on you." Tezuka as he ruffled Fuji's slightly damp hair. Its still as soft as ever in that ever brilliant honey color. Tezuka is glad to see him well.

"Really? Well, since you're here, want a drink?" Fuji offered, heading to the kitchen. Opening his fridge, he turned to Tezuka and grin sheepishly. "Sorry, I don't have those manly drinks around. Keigo actually forbids me to drink. Mind a soda?"

"Soda's fine. I don't drink that much." Tezuka replied, taking a seat on one of the counter chairs.

Fuji grabbed two sodas and handed Tezuka his own.

Tezuka got hold of the metal tab and his can opened with a slight "pssh"

Fuji smiled and seated himself beside Tezuka. It was silent for a while until Tezuka decided to open the topic, he knew Fuji was not in the mood of discussing.

"I heard the news." Much to his surprise, Fuji only smiled. Those painful smiles he used to do. It was by experience that he knew with just one look.

"Don't tell me you came here to talk about that Tezuka." Fuji said while taking a sip of the soda can in hand.

"I actually did. But I didn't lie when I told you I came to check up on you. I really did."

Fuji stifled a laugh. "I didn't know you're this worrisome."

"Who knows? If I didn't come check on you, you would be killing yourself. Jumping down from this building is a way, you know?" Tezuka said, half-serious, half-joking. Really, that is a possibility. He knows Fuji is not the kind to do that thing. As far as he know, Fuji has to many dreams and goals and he wouldn't end his life just because of this. He wouldn't, would he?

"I'm not that crazy. Besides, its not like he wanted the marriage. Its more like of an arranged one by his parents." Fuji said, pain obvious in his words. "But he still left. No matter how I think that this is just a mere play of fate, he still left."

Tezuka remained quiet. In times like this, its better for the devastated person to let all his feelings out.

Fuji looked down and fiddled with his now empty can. "When he broke the news to me and on how he can't avoid it, to tell you the truth, I really want to die. I thought about on which one is better, a painful or a painless death. If I were to choose the slow way of painful death, I thought that people will come and try to stop me. By then, I could still be saved and suffer from watching him with his wife."

When he stopped speaking, tears formed in his eyes but he wiped them with the back of his hand. Tezuka thought on how Fuji can still be strong. In situations like this, some would break down crying but Fuji still had the guts to wipe his tears.

"Then comes the painless death. A direct knife to the heart would instantly kill me. Maybe a little bit painful in the start, but it would stop in the end. I tried, I really tried. I picked up a knife and count to ten. But then, I heard a voice calling 'Fuji' from the outside - "

Tezuka eyes snapped wide-open. Without hesitation, he stood up and ran towards Fuji's room. He opened the bathroom door and truth to be told, there it is. A knife, lying in the sink. He was speechless. He heard footsteps approaching the bathroom and he turned around.

There stood Fuji, smile adorned his face.

"Tezuka, I really want to thank you. I was nearing the number ten. Just two more counts, but then you have to come around. I might as well admit the fact that I'm nothing without you. Thank you." With that, Fuji bowed. A full 90 degree bow.

Tezuka couldn't take it. Two long strides was all what it took for him to engulfed Fuji in a breath-stopping hug. He hugged tighter when he felt two arms hugged him and clutch his shirt.

"Thank you. Tezuka, really, thank you." Fuji said, big fat tears now streaming down his eyes.

Tezuka didn't say a word. He hugged Fuji tighter than ever.

_'If I was a second late, this lovely creature in my arms could have end up bloody dead. Thank you God. Thank you.'_

–

A few days later, two boys in their teens are hanging around a deserted park. With the sunset illuminating both their faces, any passerby could tell that they were in peace. Anyone could tell that they were both in their own world.

"Tezuka, I want to jump off the cliff." Fuji said, sipping a can of Ponta, grape-flavored.

Tezuka turned to him and was about to give a lecture about suicide when Fuji beat him to it.

"But then, Tezuka would catch me." Fuji said, slightly turning his head to Tezuka, flashing a small genuine smile. "You'd catch me, right? Tezuka."

"_What do you think of me for? Aren't I the one to catch you if he won't?"_

* * *

Hey guys~ I'm back! Finally!

So, actually I made two versions of this story. A RyomaxMomo pair and this TezukaxFuji pair. So, I posted the RyomaxMomo fic and I'm not really a big writer of the pair so I don't really dig that story so I deleted it and posted the TezukaxFuji pair instead.

To all those who read the RyomaxMomo version, you may noticed that nothing changed except for some minor changes here in there.

Anyway, the same drill. There are story out there, maybe with the same story line so I'm sorry. I promised that I didn't copy. It's just a mere coincidence. So, sorry.

REVIEW? It makes me happy :))

-fullmoon27


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